I believe I live my life in a spiral and that at times I circle back to something familiar but with a bigger space to see what is really happening. Old behaviours start to automatically kick in and at some point I go “AHA” I have been here and done this before. The difficulty with being on a spiral is there are no corners to peek around to see what is coming next.
There are some lessons that I just seem to have to learn again and again. Even though the spiral allows more space the next time I need to learn something, I still seem to have the same blind spots as before. Blind spots, those things I seem to always miss when I am in relationships or situations that I become so invested in that I am not seeing all the warning signs around them, that I am about to be used, hurt, disappointed or angry. I am always far angrier with myself in the long run because I have allowed myself to let down my healthy boundaries and made huge assumptions about the meaning of things. Then instead of spiraling out, I start to spiral down. I start second guessing, I become so self-critical and not able to stay present.
This time around though I have enough space and confidence ask for a life line so I am not crawling out by myself. I asked the person who knows me best to tell me what I am missing. Times before I would not be able to take that honest opinion and I would have resented that feed back. This time is different and I am able to see where to put that Scorpio passion and my trusted people have permission to call me out when I am there the next time. Something tells me I have not finished learning this lesson yet.