Driving my car today is a perfect metaphor for how I operate in the winter. First it is so cold, getting started always starts with a little prayer to the universe that we will get moving. Once started or in my case finally admitting the it is time to wake up, we both need time to warm up and clean off the snow or for me, shake off that desire to stay put. The first bit of movement is always slow and we both make moaning noises. Every intersection I stop at requires patience with the gas petal. Too much gas and I just spin; too little and we go nowhere.
It is a fine art to moving in the winter. This winter has been especially difficult and not just because of the weather. It have been a year of difficult news from friends, difficult conversations and difficult decisions. Having Seasonal Affective Disorder with my regular chronic depression means this time of year I am not at my best to deal with this information. Before treatment and counselling I quit all my jobs this time of year. Once I became familiar with the pattern I decided best to make these decisions when my head is clearer.
I know I need to be patient with myself; to find that sweet spot on the gas petal of my brain to get things started. I need to sweep off the dust and cold from around my heart so it can feel all the good things that are still happening and know this will pass. Spring with come and I will be overcome with growth. Until then I need to create my own growth. I am still working on my large button tree and it will meet the world this Spring. (I hope)