So I have been mulling and stewing for days now. I made a decision long ago. A decision that has served me well and has helped me create a life of purpose and meaning. I live by who I have decided to be. When I am at my best I am strong, funny, smart and intuitive. I am sunshine, warmth and comfort. I stop the car and jump out to hug a friend on the street. I do meaningful things, I create beauty and I love what I do.
Every once and awhile over years someone or something will challenge my decisions from decades ago. People from my past stroll into my world unannounced making requests to be back in my life. On the surface, it doesn’t seem threatening but as I absorb the experience, the past pain of not being able to be who I wanted in that other world, hits hard. I judge myself harshly. All those voices, real and imagined, take over and I am constantly having to remind myself that I’m not that person anymore. I have done the work, taken that journey and built a foundation for a good life.
So I breathe and I ask myself what I want, how do I want to move forward, what do I want to add in my life and what needs to be subtracted. My present is challenging enough. I have no room to move backwards. I long for nothing in my past.
The strollers and creepers will think me harsh and unforgiving and I can’t control that but I can decide what is best for me.