Last night I had a dream. I don’t remember all the details and typically so much happens that I just try to remember the nugget of importance. In my dream I was disturbed by a group of people trying to recapture a moment of joy and control it to make it sacred. I have been thinking about it all day, why this dream now.
Last week I spent a week taking a course on cultural symbols and pattern making. I have also been working on grant writing. In both these pursuits I have been digging to find the key that makes my art important, special,worthy. Most of the time I suck at this because I am thinking far too hard. I get stuck and waves of self judgement take over any ability for creativeness. I forget what the art is about. It is about getting messy in the process to see what form self expression is going to take. It is about letting go of the rules and creating in new ways. It is that spark, that ahha, that moment of bliss that can only happen in a moment of letting go. When that happens I need to sit with it, savour it, enjoy it, not try to build a ritual around it.
I have been to a number of events lately that make me wonder that in putting so much effort into a ritual to give a moment meaning actually makes us lose the importance of just being present. Just trusting that expression is enough, this feeling is enough. I am enough.